I have to wait an entire year for Evan Williams Spiked Eggnog. Not only does it help to assauge my woes, I find that if I add straight burbon to the mix, after awhile I'll pass out and temporarily forget my woes entirely.
I highly recommend it, given the fact that my only other choice at the moment is suicide, I think that just for tonight, I didn't make that bad of a choice, after all.
Just trying to stay alive, one day at a time.
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Fairweather friends
are assholes, we are all afflicted with them. Just thought I'd put that out there. At some point, we've all had fairweather friends. The kind who like to keep in touch when they think you're flush, but who scurry out of the light like so many cockroaches when the going gets tough.
There are those "friends" who think nothing about whining to you about their husbands or children, but when it's your turn to whine, they're "busy" or they have to "run to the store" or even "I have another call" and perhaps fogetting that when another call is really beeping in BOTH of you can hear it. I hope they forgot, because if they pulled that on purpose, perhaps HOPING I wouldn't notice that there was no beep, well, they are just shit out of luck because I am flat out of patience.
Hell, I even have a former Fairweather Friend who tried to dictate to me whom I could date and who I couldn't. She held out her friendship as the carrot that would keep me in line. If I dated Mr. X, she would no longer speak to me, no longer allow me to come to her home. Bitch. I don't recall being the one to give her permission as to whom she could lay and whom she couldn't.
This particular Mr. X is someone I have known for years. To say we've had our ups and downs is putting it mildy. We were once married, badly as it turned out. While we cannot live under the same roof, we quite happily discovered that we can see one another without wanting to rip each other to shreds. In this cold cruel world, we have found a measure of happiness together. A true friend would not begrudge us this happiness. The fact that we share no children together gives us both alot more freedom to enjoy each others company.
It speaks badly of me, I think, that I have waited until now to decide what is more important. Love and companionship, or a Fairweather Friend who is only concerned with what gifts I can provide for her grandchild, soon to make her debute. She should perhaps be more concerned with her own family and the fact that her husband doesn't even know her daughter is pregnant and due to deliver in 3 months. I'd have thought he would have guessed by now, since the daughter lives under his roof, but no, he is an idiot, much like his wife.
Because of her, I have not been able to write the way I really want to, not been able to be as creative as I should, not been honest. I am tired of being stifled, tired of lying, tired of hiding. Tired of having this pseudo mother figure dictate to me. I am not a child, most especially not her child. A True Friend does not withdraw their friendship based on whom one dates. A True Friend, if they should happen to disagree with ones choice of bedmate, will tell you honestly how they feel, then shake their head, knowing your heart will always rule your head. A True Friend will be there for you, should the need to pick up pieces arise.
However, a control freak will not only dictate to you whom you can see and whom you can't, she will threaten to cut off the "friendship" altogether if you dare to break her rules. This is not a true friend, after all. While I was sad for only a moment, my overriding emotion has been anger, for over 2 years, at the unmitigated gall of this woman. And anger at myself, for not having the balls to tell her to go to hell. Until now.
There are those "friends" who think nothing about whining to you about their husbands or children, but when it's your turn to whine, they're "busy" or they have to "run to the store" or even "I have another call" and perhaps fogetting that when another call is really beeping in BOTH of you can hear it. I hope they forgot, because if they pulled that on purpose, perhaps HOPING I wouldn't notice that there was no beep, well, they are just shit out of luck because I am flat out of patience.
Hell, I even have a former Fairweather Friend who tried to dictate to me whom I could date and who I couldn't. She held out her friendship as the carrot that would keep me in line. If I dated Mr. X, she would no longer speak to me, no longer allow me to come to her home. Bitch. I don't recall being the one to give her permission as to whom she could lay and whom she couldn't.
This particular Mr. X is someone I have known for years. To say we've had our ups and downs is putting it mildy. We were once married, badly as it turned out. While we cannot live under the same roof, we quite happily discovered that we can see one another without wanting to rip each other to shreds. In this cold cruel world, we have found a measure of happiness together. A true friend would not begrudge us this happiness. The fact that we share no children together gives us both alot more freedom to enjoy each others company.
It speaks badly of me, I think, that I have waited until now to decide what is more important. Love and companionship, or a Fairweather Friend who is only concerned with what gifts I can provide for her grandchild, soon to make her debute. She should perhaps be more concerned with her own family and the fact that her husband doesn't even know her daughter is pregnant and due to deliver in 3 months. I'd have thought he would have guessed by now, since the daughter lives under his roof, but no, he is an idiot, much like his wife.
Because of her, I have not been able to write the way I really want to, not been able to be as creative as I should, not been honest. I am tired of being stifled, tired of lying, tired of hiding. Tired of having this pseudo mother figure dictate to me. I am not a child, most especially not her child. A True Friend does not withdraw their friendship based on whom one dates. A True Friend, if they should happen to disagree with ones choice of bedmate, will tell you honestly how they feel, then shake their head, knowing your heart will always rule your head. A True Friend will be there for you, should the need to pick up pieces arise.
However, a control freak will not only dictate to you whom you can see and whom you can't, she will threaten to cut off the "friendship" altogether if you dare to break her rules. This is not a true friend, after all. While I was sad for only a moment, my overriding emotion has been anger, for over 2 years, at the unmitigated gall of this woman. And anger at myself, for not having the balls to tell her to go to hell. Until now.
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